so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
