I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
