You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Michael Bay diarrhea
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
