broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
