Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize