you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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