You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
