They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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