btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
