i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
