Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
