you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
