Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My vagina just recognized that song.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize