tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
