So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
