There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
