I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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