He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize