He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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