i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
