so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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