U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
