saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
