Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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