i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You don't make any sense
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