Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
