ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Houston, we have a blender
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
