I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
