He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
