At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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