Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it hurts more in the daytime
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
