yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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