I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
