Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize