Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is not my ceiling
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
