Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize