i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize