So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
