Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize