Got a toothbrush?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
