do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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