dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
