I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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