i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
foreskin is a definite game changer
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
