Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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