the condom got lost in my hair
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
