Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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