She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
