just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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