Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
