I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
