WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
