Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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