Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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