Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
