when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
