3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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