That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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