i already hear my dad disowning me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
