i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
