I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
