What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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