I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
