Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
