Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
that is very illegal...i love you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
