Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
