Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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