I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You are the jesus of drinking
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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