Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
