U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
