At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
