I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
there is glitter all over my balls
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
