State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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