Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I yelled at your uterus for you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
