He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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