Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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