You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He? As in you personified your dick?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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