he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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