My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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